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Happy Fathers Day, A Day Late

Monday 20 June 2005 at 01:20 am Every year I look forward to that pivotal point in the spring and summer season, where it is neither spring nor summer. At that time every year the lightning bugs come out in droves, and every night there are more and more lightning bugs until they reach their peak, well, season, and they light up the sky like camera flashes at the Super Bowl in the dark.

This year, however, is a little bit more special for me. I'm going to be a father this morning or afternoon or even possibly tomorrow. The lightning bugs seem to have waited for this event, as have I, with a bit of anticipation. They aren't quite in full force yet, and I'm kind of happy about it. I'd love it if the peak of the lightning bug season would wait a few days so I can share it with my wife and daughter when we get home.

Fatherhood hasn't hit me yet. Maybe it really doesn't until you meet your daughter for the first time, without the hassle of your wife's stomach. Maybe that bond happens right at the point where you first see that your daughter sees you. Maybe it is when you get to spend a few hours just holding and looking at your daughter in your arms, making little noises, trying out her now-freed arms and legs a bit, recovering from the long day of coming into the world.

It's kind of weird, knowing that you have no idea what to expect now, and knowing that in a couple of hours, you will. Being able to know you don't know now, and know that you will know soon. Knowing that your life will change, drastically, but still staying up late, sneaking out of bed to put down those last few threads of what is floating in your head before you become a dad to someone who you've never met, but are completely sure you'll love for all of eternity.

My daughter. Wow. I'm gonna be a father today.